about me · Half marathon training · running

I Ran Six Miles..But….

*I was supposed to post this last night, but fell asleep, so here you go!*

Sometimes life happens and a blog post topic just hits you! At least that is what happened to me today!

Today was an absolutely beautiful spring day in Virginia Beach, 77 degrees and sunny, and time for my long run of 6 miles! My farthest run to date! I was a bit nervous all morning for it!

kjgi

I decided to go out to the oceanfront to do my long run. Its a straight 4 mile boardwalk, and I love running near the beach…it brings me Peace!

In terms of time, I wanted to finish in less than 1:15:00, to keep with a pace I want to complete for the half. The humidity definitely started to kick in, and I realized very quickly that its been very long since I ran in heat! It slowed me down a bit, and I ended up finishing in 1:07:09. Not too bad!kjbuig

After this, I decided to take my girls and head back to the beach on this beautiful day. Then I put my bathing suit on…

At this point I should be feeling pretty kick ass! I just ran 6 damn miles, under my goal time, I’m half way through my half marathon training, I have an amazing family, I mean, the list goes on and on as to why I should be feeling good right now. But I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see.

I’ve come to realize that I struggle with body issues (amongst many other things I’m sure!). My whole life, I never had to worry about weight or anything like that. I would say I was “naturally skinny.” When I got divorced from my ex-husband, I went on a divorce diet-Mountain Dew and Top Ramen! But I was skinny! Then I got “happy”! I was surviving as a single mom, I met who would be the man of my dreams and current husband, I had amazing friends…I got happy! And older! I wasn’t 24/25 anymore. I’m about to turn 29! And in that 4 year time, about 20 lbs also came with it.

To show you the change, ill post my #tbt bikini photo and todays photo ( I can do this cause I only have like 2 followers..no ones reading this anyways!):

photo (2)                                           yesterday                                      2010

Now, this is not posted to hear “you look great, ect.” My husband tells me I look better now, my friends say I look great, but the issue is that I don’t feel that way.

All the great things I have in my life, the things that I accomplished and will accomplish, and I’m upset  that my ass and thighs have doubled in size.

Before, I would diet or do a new work out regime, but when I didn’t see results, I would quit. My mind would sabotage me, “oh well you are fat, eat this bag of chips and McDonalds fries.” So essentially, I haven’t even given my body a chance to change.

But, and here is my wisdom, the first thing that needs to change is ME!

I need to be okay with who I am, no matter what size I am. I need to be okay and accept me! I think when I achieve that, then I either wont have those same flaws, or my body will be ready to change. I mean hell, in 2010 I probably thought I could be skinnier then too! Now I’m wishing I was back there!MjAxMy0xOWUxMWQ4NDIzNGM0NWVm_51802aa4ba6caSo as I continue on this runners’ journey, I plan to work on this huge piece of the puzzle as well.

Have you ever battled with self doubt? Body issues? What kick ass thing are you doing today?

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5 thoughts on “I Ran Six Miles..But….

  1. Of course you have to be happy, I think you look great in both pics. However you have to be happy with what you see, focus on Gods blessings and the health benefits! Now that I think if fitness in terms of health over appearance I’m not a stressed! Good luck and if you have time check out my blog as well, very similar 🙂

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